Gaskin Comedy

Booyah, Beotch, Daddy's Getting Home!!!

2010-11-13T02:44:00.000-08:00

I don't know what happened Thursday night, but I must have been petting a horseshoe with a rabbit up my ass.¹ Seriously, luck was on my side. I had just gotten out of a show at Lafflines when I was asked too join the other acts for a few pops at The Metro. I figured, as long as I'm able to get downtown by 1:00 a.m. I'm cool. That way I can catch the Canada Line back to Richmond.

I end up leaving the bar at midnight, which was conveniently the same time they decide to close up shop. I hang a right, head into Columbia Station, purchase my ticket, and walk up the stairs. That's when it hit me. It's a stat holiday, fffuuuuuuuccccckkkk! I get up to the top of the stairs and a train arrives at the station. Booyah, beotch, daddy's getting home!!!

I get on the train and sit down. The train leaves the station with myself sighing in relief. The first stop on my way home, New Westminster Station! And just like that² the nightmare begins! A Translink attendant steps on the train and orders everyone off. New Westminster Station (a 5 minute walk from Columbia Station) happens to be the end of the line. The attendant (who shall now be referred to as Dumbass McFuckstick) starts telling everyone to head out to the N19 bus stop to go downtown. I, on the other hand, am trying to make it back to Richmond. I bring this up, and of course Dumbass McFuckstick has no idea how to get me home. On top of that, instead of admitting his incompetence, Dumbass McFuckstick just shrugs his shoulders and shoots me a "You're fucked" look.

I exit the station and head down to towards the bus stop, figuring if the bus leaves soon, I'll be fine. It is at this moment that two 50-year-old³ Spanish women latch onto my arms, as they are trying to find a way downtown. I know enough Spanish to say, "no hablo español." Now, there is no way that I'm going to leave two helpless ladies stranded out in New Westminster. Off to the bus stop we go.

We arrive at the bus stop, where the now relieved Spanish ladies thank me. A bunch of kids stood there, waiting for the same bus. I figured at the very least, this bus can get me to a bridge heading into Richmond. I have no problems walking across a bridge into Richmond. I look at the spindle with the schedule on it. Next Bus leaves at 1:00 a.m., what?! At this point in time a stream of cusses that would make a sailor proud comes out of my mouth. A stream of cusses that I really wanted to direct to Dumbass McFuckstick. Why? With the bus leaving at 1:00 a.m. my fare will expire before I'm anywhere near Richmond. This is the point where I decide to walk.

View Larger Map
(This is the 4 hour walk that I was now ready to partake in)

Off I go, insanely pissed off. I pull out my voice recorder, and proceed to unload into it. Yelling about how I had paid a $2.50 fare for a 4 hour walk. How I wanted to punch the next person to say that Vancouver has a world class transit system in the mouth. How the trains aren't even operated by humans. Finally, how Dumbass McFuckstick was an incompetent son-of-a-bitch! When I look up and notice some lady standing at a random bus stop, staring at me. I shut off my recorder, then she stops me and she proceeds to unload on how shitty public transit is in Vancouver. Within minutes some random guy walks by us, and she joins him just as the 154 to 22nd Street Station arrives at the stop.

I get on the bus, figuring, I'm cutting off what may be 10 minutes of this walk. I start to unload to the driver, and we both concede to the fact that Translink is run by some cheap bastards who don't want to make money after the bars close allowing the police and taxi companies to rape a drunken public in the late night hours.⁴ He stops at 22nd Street Station, where the gate to the train is already closed, and I get off the bus.

I walk down the steps, away from the unloading area, and proceed to look at the scheduled times for the 100 bus. As I walk towards the stop there is a guy standing at the 410 Railway stop. A bus that heads into Richmond. “The 410 is still running?” I ask. “Yes,” the guy replies, “the last one will be leaving in about 4 minutes.” I jumped up and did a fist pump in excitement. Booyah, beotch, daddy's getting home!!!

¹ I think I may have those expressions mixed up.
² You couldn't see it, but I snapped my fingers.
³ I'm throwing out a rough estimate here, they were old.
⁴ It's a conspiracy theory, I tell you.

New Website & Podcast

2010-10-02T23:56:00.000-07:00

Time to kick my comedy career in gear, that's right I said career. Granted I haven't pulled in any serious money in doing so yet, but I have a strong feeling that it will be a more than suited career.

New Website
At this moment, the website is not fully complete. It is functional. I did build the website myself, I'd say it's probably the best one I've made yet. Not that the others are bad (websites for comedians Brian Majore, and Cliff Paul). Now you're probably wondering, what is .co.cc? Needless to say, I'm too cheap for a .com at this moment. Soon enough though, I will fix that problem. In the mean time, feel free to check out my website by clicking here. Also, while you're there, make sure to hit the Facebook Like button, which signs you up to the Chris Gaskin Facebook Page!

What happened to The Chris Gaskin Show?
The podcast, dead. The Chris Gaskin Show survives though. It has shed its hour-and-a-half skin for a smaller video format. Gone is Andy Kallstrom. Good riddance, too! Of course I'm just kidding. Andy was an integral part of The Chris Gaskin Show. I look forward to working with him on our next podcast endeavor, The Moldy Pair¹. He truly is a talented person and has a bright future ahead of him. That being said, I have no idea what I'll be doing for the new version of The Chris Gaskin Show. I'm sure it'll take me the first few episodes to figure out what the show is supposed to be, but I know that it'll be fun to do.

That's it for now. Hope you're enjoying the new site.

¹ Tentative title (The Moldy Pear with Andy Kallstrom and Chris Gaskin)

Road Rage

2010-06-14T02:14:00.000-07:00

As a fan of MorencySports.com, and pretty much everything Gabriel Morency has done, I was looking forward to Road Rage in Vancouver, the night before UFC 115. It's not very often you get to meet people you idolize strictly for their talents. Having a positive response to my request that I get an interview with him, I knew I would have to introduce myself. I have always been the type of person, that if I see a celebrity, I leave them alone. I'm well aware they are people too, and I respect their privacy. At least, ever since the Butterbean incident, but more on that in a bit.

As I entered the Sin Bin Sports Grill, thoughts quickly entered my head. The few times that I've performed on the stage, including the one time where I truly ate shit. As I regularly do, I b-lined for the bar, was greeted by the bartender, and promptly ordered a drink. I turned towards the stage, where a table was set up with many electronics. A couple of microphones, a video-camera pointing towards the table, and a MacBook with a velcroed on logo saying, “SPORTS RAGE”. Behind the table is a UFC 115 poster that had just been taped up by the shows host, Gabriel Morency.

Morency turns around, and we lock eyes and nod. Knowing the only interaction we've had with each other had been calling into his show and through twitter, I was surprised as he headed up to meet and greet me. We shook hands, and he towered over me. “Hi,” I said, “I'm Chris Gaskin.” Without a beat Morency responded, “You're a comedian?” With that, it was almost as if we had already been friends. That's just the kind of guy Morency is though, a class act.

Really, I could care-less whether I had obtained an interview with him. I had come to watch the show. First guest was Bill “The Butcher” Mahood, a professional MMA fighter from my hometown of Prince George. Mahood had been living in Vancouver for the past three years, and was asked to judge UFC 115. The first time I had met Mahood was at the Prince George Ramada. It was the day after KOTC: Anarchy. Mahood was sitting with his opponent Patrick Côté, and Eric Esch (better known as Butterbean). I had approached them and said, “Butterbean, I normally don't do this and I don't want to be a bother, but I just wanted to let you know that I am a big fan, and I loved seeing you knock out Steve-O in Jackass.” To which Esch thanked me and shook my hand. Meanwhile, Mahood looked me up-and-down, folded his arms, and said, “That was Johnny Knoxville.”

At this point, the show stopped streaming. There was already problems with the sound on the stream, so the entire show was pretty much for the live audience. Next up was Darsh, a regular caller. Darsh was the first caller I recognized, mostly because of my stereotyping. As I was looking around the bar, there was a large East Indian guy with a very long beard and a turban. My first thought was, “That has to be Darsh. Now, how do I ask him without looking racist.”

Up third was some dude, with a mohawk, who was yelling out the entire show. Of course the one time he quiets down is when he has the microphone in his hand. Most of the crowd had tuned him out. I jokingly leaned in towards Darsh and said, “I'm going to fade his picks.” He was followed by Chad, whom approached me after the show. It's a small world, as it turns out we have a mutual friend. He is working on his own site, InTheOT.com as well as getting huge hits on YouTube.

Up fifth was yours truly. Off the top Morency mentions I perform stand-up comedy. Which in turn gave mohawk dude the opportunity to request a joke. I hesitated, only to have Morency egg it on. In such a situation, it is tough to do stand-up comedy without having it look rehearsed. So, to bring up the bit as organically as possible I pointed out the height difference between Morency and myself, and it was off to the races. I was getting huge laughs, and without hesitation I started to ad-lib, “Every time I call in to the show, and I bet now the chat is lighting up with, 'Is this caller 12?' and, 'It's past his bed time.' Well I live on the west coast motherfuckers, so I still have an hour.” With that said, I gave an anecdote about the first time I met Mahood, and off I was.

The last guy on the show was from Alberta. Unfortunately I've forgotten his name. With that, the first ever Road Rage in Vancouver had come to an end. It's a shame that the show didn't stream properly, as it was a great show. Of course, for the most part, everyone stuck around to hang out. Immediately, Morency walked up to me and said, “Give me a few minutes and we'll do that interview.” He then turned around and did a shot. To which he said, “They're trying to kill me, Chris.”

As we went outside to do the interview, Morency decided to roll a spliff. He asked for a cigarette, which was handed to him by a fan. He proceeded to squeeze out the tobacco into the joint, causing protest from pretty much everyone around us. I proceeded to start the interview as I turned on my voice recorder. Most everyone around us was well into their own conversations, but about halfway through the interview they all stopped to hear what Morency had to say. The interview was something special, at least special enough to garner their attention.

That was the first ever Road Rage I've attended, and I hope in the future I will be able to attend more. I have always heard good things about Morency as a person. Meeting him really drove that home, though. He is a class act, and a genuinely nice guy. If you are a fan of sports and would hear someone call it how it is, I urge you to go to MorencySports.com and check out Sports Rage, Hard Drive, and anything else this guy does. It's not often I push a product, but this is something I believe in. If you don't check it out, well, then as Gabriel Morency says, “It is what it is.”

The Topic S1E01: Socially Connected (Interview w/ Gabriel Morency)

Morency Sports (Gabriel Morency)
http://www.morencysports.com/

Epic MMA (Bill “The Butcher” Mahood)
http://www.epicmma.ca/

In The OT (Chad Margulius)
http://intheot.com/football/

The Douchebag Theory

2010-05-18T17:00:00.000-07:00

Here's the deal. I started my blog for one simple reason, to vent. To get all of the thoughts that have been frustrating me out of my head so I can focus on things that really matter. Thirty-three blogs later and the platform has changed. With my last blog being January 22, 2010, all of this energy was being poured into my podcast, The Chris Gaskin Show. There has been something that has pushing me back here as of late, though.

About a month ago I was hanging out with my friend. After the comedy show that we were both supposed to be on got canceled, we decided to head down to a local pub. Of course my friend decided to bring along his girlfriend. I have no problem with something like this. They're companions, still in the honeymoon stage of their relationship. I have never really talked to her before, and being in a surly mood, I knew it might lead to problems.

Looking around the pub, I see numerous gorgeous women with complete douchebags. I've never been a ladies man. I lack the blind confidence and ambition of the socially inept that consistently get laid. However, I've been doing stand-up comedy long enough that I can breakdown social situations.

My friend had gone outside to light up, leaving an awkward tension between myself and his girlfriend. Taking in my surroundings, I make a small comment to break the tension, "Women always say they are into a guy with a sense of humor, but that's bullshit." Of course, this comment sparks an argument. Judging by her reaction, I'm well aware I'm looking like a misogynistic prick.

I present a question for debate. Do women really like a guy with a sense of humor? Both Neil Strauss, six-time New York Times Best-Selling author, and Chris Rock don't believe so.

Excerpt from an e-mail sent out by Neil Strauss, best-selling author.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN A MAN IS A SENSE OF HUMOR"
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ever heard a woman say those words?

Yeah, I heard them a lot too, and in the days before The Game, I
believed them. I even became the class clown in school, hoping it
would help.

It didn't.

When I entered the so-called seduction community, one of the first
intuitive lessons I learned, which really exploded my head, was:
Practically everything women have told me about dating my whole
life is wrong. What they SAY they want in a man isn't what
they RESPOND to.

Yet even after writing The Game, women continued to insist that,
more than anything else, they were attracted to a guy with a
sense of humor.

Having been backstage at countless rock concerts and watched the
way women threw themselves at humorless bands, I knew this
couldn't be true. Especially compared to backstage at comedy shows,
where there were no groupies to be found.

But being an investigative reporter by nature, I didn't want to
rely on just my own experiences before discounting the myth.
During a Rolling Stone interview, I decided to ask someone who
many consider to be the funniest man performing today about it...

Me: Do comedians get groupies?
Chris Rock: You probably get more business groupies as a comedian.
As a rock star, you get a more sexual thing.

Me: What's a business groupie?
Chris Rock: Somebody with, you know, a script, saying, "Hey, here
is my script, here's my writing sample. I flew from four towns
away to get you this. I was in your hotel lobby in Seattle and
Vancouver. Please read this script."

Me: Girls always say they want a guy with a sense of humor. But it
seems like they chase athletes and rock stars and rappers and
serious actors more than comedians.
Chris Rock: Yes, comedians are the bottom of the ladder of getting
laid. If everyone's at the party, comedians would be the last guys
picked.

Me: Why do you think girls say that?
Chris Rock: You don't listen to the other part. They want a RICH
guy with a sense of humor. Big difference.

Me: I know a lot of rich guys who do horribly too. I think women
respond more to a certain set of high-status behaviors than
money.
Chris Rock: That may be. The thing with comedians---the reason the
other people always get laid instead of us---is that everyone has a
mystique. There is a mystique to being a singer: What is Prince
like? What is Sting like? What is Nelly like? You don't know them.
Comedians have absolutely no mystique. They get to know us too
quickly.

Me: And so you end up in the friend zone?
Chris Rock: Yeah, they get overly comfortable with us. At the end
of the day, comedy is still like some nerd shit.

So there you have it. Share this with a woman next time she tells
you she's just looking for a guy with a sense of humor.

Yours in Myth-Busting,
Neil

I believe that this interview makes some great points. Maybe women have know idea what they want. Maybe they have no idea what truly attracts them. Maybe it is a quick bullshit answer that they throw out. Maybe.

I'd like to play devil's advocate, though. Let's say, instead of women not knowing what they want, they actually are attracted to a guy with a sense of humor. That would mean that the appropriate question would be: A sense of humor to whom? I will be the first one to conceit that this theory comes across a little misogynistic. However allow me to provide an example.

When I do stand-up comedy my act consists of 60% self-deprecating, 30% observational, and 10% theoretical material. I'm not the greatest stand-up comedian, in fact far from it. However, I believe I do fairly well for myself. Now if I take my act up at a club, everything will go according to plan. However, if I were to present my act to a baby I would bomb, hard. A baby would not react to my ideas, but it would react to my facial expressions and emotions. I can easily make a baby laugh by making a funny face.

That is not to say that females have a diminished level of intelligence compared to their male counter-parts. However, when idiocy becomes cute, humorous, and a sexually attracting quality, I believe this becomes a fair theory. Which is to say that when I see hot chicks with douchebags I question their level of intelligence.

Another point to follow this logic, women are more competitive than men. It's more psychological then physical, as women tend to be passive aggressive. This leads to a battle of the alpha female within their own social groups. For example, if I were to head out and purchase a hat that makes me like a fucking moron, my friends would ridicule me for being such. Whereas, when a woman is dating a douchebag, her friends (for the most part) will most likely encourage it. Why is this?

I believe that the blind confidence of a douchebag is so overwhelmingly attractive that it fools most women. Leading them to a cruel fate of becoming overpowered by raw emotion leading to a logical conclusion when it is too late. As it is their emotions that push them to believe that the douchebag is actually funny.

As I stated before, this may seem a bit misogynistic. Let's be honest though, how many married douchebags do you see? Most likely your answer is "barely any". That is because most women eventually come to their wits and realize that the douchebag truly has nothing to offer. They realize that every positive they saw in what is a shell of a human was just self-projection. With that another question is brought up: How can such a moron have that enormous level of confidence?

Ladies, if you think this theory is illogical and crazy, feel free to voice your opinion. If you feel you are attracted to a sense of humor, say so, but back it up. When I see the perfect ten hand-in-hand with a nerd, maybe then this theory shall be shattered.

An Open Letter To NBC

2010-01-22T00:37:00.000-08:00

To whom it may concern,

Fuck you!

Sincerely,
Team Conan

P.S. I have included this nice little cartoon found on the Team Conan group on Facebook. I believe this is an accurate portrayal of your company.

Holiday Announcements

2009-12-09T15:38:00.000-08:00

It's been a couple of days since I last wrote in this blog. First thing, I will be going back to Prince George for the holidays. I'll be there from December 20^th, 2009 to January 4^th, 2010. So there are a few subjects I need to talk about.

1. Merry F'N Christmas (Comedy Show)
I will be performing in a comedy show with a close friend of mine, Derek Zantolas (pictured to the right). He will be putting it on, more as a party to see friends, but it will be a ton of fun. The show will take place on Wednesday December 23^rd. Doors will open at 8:00 with the show starting at 8:30. Do not be late! It will be at 1177 3rd Ave (Learn To Earn Bartending School) in Prince George. Entrance will be by donation.

2. The Chris Gaskin Show (Podcast)
I know some of you were wondering what will happen over the Holidays. This is not an official announcement, the official announcement will be posted tomorrow, as a part of our thirteenth episode. However, seeming as I'm in charge of the show, I will note to all of you that we will have pre-taped episodes for you on December 18^th, 25^th, and 31^st, and maybe some in between. The show will return to normality during the week of January 3^rd through 9^th. Listen to the latest episodes of The Chris Gaskin Show for more news and an entertaining podcast.

Also, you may have noticed that I have changed the site around. Up top is links to the latest episode of The Chris Gaskin Show. To the left, from top to bottom you have: archived blog links, UStream's Sports Rage live feed, my upcoming shows, my Twitter feed, a Vancouver Twitter feed, sports news, and Vancouver 2010 news. Of course, at the bottom of the page is an ad. I have removed a few things, most notably the Facebook badge, and my profile link, just to streamline the look of the site.

Hockey Gets Crazy

2009-12-01T16:17:00.000-08:00

The question everyone is asking right now goes as such: Should Keith Ballard be suspended for his actions? My answer is as simple as this, yes! I don't understand how anyone could be so careless. Not only that, but he left the ice after Vokoun went down.

Listen up Keith, I understand you're frustrated, but if you want to swing your stick at someone, make it worth while. Swing your stick at the Florida Panthers management team for not giving a shit! The last time the product was any good was when the made it to the Stanley Cup finals, and that was over a decade ago. Swing your stick at Gary Bettman, for allowing a hockey club to be in such a terrible market. The real shame is all those empty seats.

I couldn't help but bring this one up. Let's start with a sidenote. For those of you who argue that Alexander Ovechkin is a better player than Sidney Crosby, you're wrong! I will say that Ovechkin is the more exciting player. However, Sid The Kid can play a two-way game, and has one thing that Ovechkin doesn't, a Stanley Cup ring.

I bring up this argument to point something else out, Sid The Kid doesn't take cheap shots! It's about time that Ovechkin gets suspended by the NHL, but I still don't buy it. He only gets two games for something as dangerous and malicious as a knee-on-knee? That's no more than a slap on the wrist! Ovechkin has been pulling shit like this since day one. I'm sick of watching him get away with it. The NHL needs to step up. I understand he's the league's top star, but his actions should not be tolerated. Two games?! Is this the NHL's version of Roughing The Brady? I guess it's closer to Lebron James never being called for traveling.

At the end of the day, Ovechkin was taken off the ice. He is listed day-to-day with a stiff knee. Let this be a lesson to him. He may be able to out run the NHL brass, but no one can out run karma!

Good Call

2009-11-19T16:12:00.000-08:00

As I sat in the back of the All-Star Wrestling locker room waiting for The Mauler's match to end to tape The Chris Gaskin Show, a ticking time bomb was inserted in my head, waiting to go off. It was nice seeing a few guys that I haven't seen in awhile. I've been focusing on my stand-up comedy so much that I wasn't aware which wrestlers were at the All-Star Wrestling event. We started talking about instant replay in baseball. This, of course, led to a discussion about what it would be like if there was instant replay in pro-wrestling. Tick... tick... tick...

Boom! What the fuck?! You have all this technology and you can't make the right fucking call! I don't even like the Detroit Red Wings, but my level of rage is ridiculously high. Feel free to bring up the fact that they can't review audio. However, we all know that is bullshit. For me, this is the straw that broke the camels back.

The fact of the matter is, the leagues (NHL, NFL, NBA, etc.) care more about their sponsors than they do about their sport. The NCAA doesn't even have high definition televisions in their review booths. That means that there are fans at home who have a better look at the play than the people who were hired to make the fucking call. These leagues are making money hand over fist while destroying their sport.

We have all this technology, and not one league is utilizing it properly. It's not hard to put a censor in the puck and net so that a light goes off, signaling that the puck is in the net. The same could be done in American football with the ball and the first down markers and endzones. Tennis is finally properly using Hawkeye, so something like this couldn't be too hard to implement.

I don't even want to get started with the MLB. There is no logical explanation as to why instant replay isn't completely in the game. Especially when there is a blown call in pretty much every game. This year's World Series was littered with shitty calls. There is absolutely no reason as to why there isn't instant replay. I got into an argument over the MLB with a hardcore baseball fan. His argument is that it is already a three hour game. So what's another five fucking minutes to ensure the right call is made?! Get with the times MLB fans.

As a sports fan, refereeing is the one thing that truly kills me. The NHL is far from it's days with Mick McGeough, Kerry Fraser, and Don Koharski wearing the zebra stripes. The video that I had included is easily one of the worst calls I have ever seen, period. How the hell was this not fixed when it went upstairs? So here I am calling out these leagues. You have the technology, utilize it!

Check out my podcast The Chris Gaskin Show.
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The Heckler

2009-11-10T01:46:00.000-08:00

It's not often I get off stage with a smile on my face. Tonight was one of those nights. As you can see, this blog is entitled "The Heckler" and for good reason. I have had to deal with hecklers before, but I will always remember what happened this time. If there is any reason for me to be upset, it's that I didn't record my set.

Jupiter Lounge (1216 Bute St.)
Monday November 9^th, 2009
11:00 p.m. (Show started at 10 p.m.)

I started my set using a joke that was suggested to me. With the microphone stand still left up (I'm a small guy) I jumped up to it trying to say into the microphone, "Do you ever... notice how bad... airplane food is?" This joke went okay. Before I went into my next bit, some drunk girl in the back yelled out, "Stand up, we can't see you!" Now, I thought this was a very unoriginal heckle, and rather than attacking it, I dismissed it. The crowd made a big "Ooh!" I specifically said, "Why bother." I continued along getting a good response from the crowd.

I decided to close my set with a bit that I had been working on for a while. The bit involves getting a phone call from my mother, with her telling me that she was buying me a Playboy. The bit was going okay, and the punchlines were getting chuckles. I got about halfway through the bit, where I reveal the edition of the Playboy has Marge Simpson on the cover. To which I say, "That's how pathetic my Mom thinks I am, she thinks I whack it to cartoon porn." I got halfway through the line when the same girl yelled out, "Yeah, you are pathetic!"

At this point in time I had enough with her antics. It was enough that it would affect not only the quality of my set, but the whole show in general. I raised the microphone to my mouth to cut her down, when a patron beat me to the punch. "Fuck you, bitch!" he yelled. This set the room on fire, and the crowd whipped up into an applause. Before I could even comment on what had transpired a second person chimed in, "Yeah, shut the fuck up you ugly bitch!" In awe of what happened, I decided to just close my set, "I don't need to say anything else, thank you very much."

I got off the stage with a smile from ear to ear. Byron Bertram looked at me and told me not to worry about it. I explained to him that it was like being in grade three all over again. Yes, this girl was drunk, beyond repair. Yet, she was just going the wrong way about flirting. Basically, she was the girl who ran up to me in grade three at recess and said, "You're cute," than proceeded to punch me.

This may be one of the greatest moments of my life.¹ I know it's not much, nor is it setting the bar high for memorable moments, but it left me happy. The fact that I do stand-up comedy has left me a miserable person, so it's refreshing to have a sincerely gratifying moment. It's nice to know that the impression I left on these people was strong enough that they would go to bat for me. Who knows what the future holds for me, but things are looking up.

Check out my podcast The Chris Gaskin Show.
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¹ So far.

Some Spooky Stuff

2009-10-31T20:13:00.000-07:00

It is Halloween tonight, and there is that familiar feeling in the air. Horror films on every television channel known to man. Even "The Comedy Network" is getting in the spirit, airing "Carlos Mencia: No Strings Attached". Sitting through this special was painful. As someone who watches many specials, I had to force myself to keep the television on the same channel.

Now, I've made my opinion of Carlos Mencia public. I don't think he is funny, at all. In fact, I have trouble understanding how people enjoy his shtick. I understand he is popular. He's marketed himself well. I can't hold the level of fame he has reached against him. What I'm about to voice may seem biased, but it is just my opinion.

The material presented in this special has obvious criticisms. Most simply, the bit about teaching a kid how to play football. Not only is this the funniest bit of the special, it also resembles a bit that Bill Cosby performed in his special "Himself".

Yet, this is not my main complaint about the special. Carlos Mencia runs around stage, yelling and stomping like a kid with ADHD starved for attention. As the old saying goes, there is no such thing as a hack joke, just a hack comic. To say Carlos Mencia is a hack, would be a massive understatement. Watching him pander to the audience right off the top made me sick. He does ten minutes of pandering off the top. It is the polar opposite of "Louis CK: Chewed Up", which I consider to be a masterpiece. Mencia has no sense of comedy as an art form.

Luckily, the special was followed up with an episode of "Live At Gotham". At least there was something to remind me why I'm a fan of and perform stand up comedy. Which reminds me, what with it being the end of October and whatnot, it's time to give an update.

I consider myself lucky this month, just squeaking over five new minutes this month. I'll make sure to update you with how November went as soon as the month ends. I have to attribute achieving the five minutes in October to a phone conversation with my mom. It led to a great self-deprecating bit. Thanks mom, you've always been there for me, even when I least expect it.

Check out my podcast at http://chrisgaskinshow.mypodcast.com
Feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/chrisgaskin

A Bittersweet Experience

2009-10-17T23:04:00.000-07:00

The Chris Gaskin Show

So, I've been doing a podcast now for the past month and a bit. It is a weekly podcast, where we¹ interview local amateur comedians and discuss everything from sports to video games to news stories. So far I have had Andy Kallstrom, Brian Majore, Shawn Broom & Garrett Quinton, and Sean Emeny as guests.

The first ever episode was no more than a mess, in both topical and technical quality. However, I got permanent co-host, Andy Kallstrom, out of it. The second episode more than made up for the topical downfalls of the first, featuring a great interview with Brian Majore. If you can deal with poor technical quality, it's my favorite episode so far. Since then, we've been rolling along. I've found a way to crank up the volume without losing technical quality. Each week the show is growing tenfold, and we have been working hard to produce an entertaining product.

Taping this show each week gives me something to look forward to. Especially since I've been struggling to write new, quality material. Even more so when I know the scheduled guests. Next week is supposed to be Katie-Ellen Humphries, and the week after that is Dennis Litonjua. I'm excited to help these comedians promote themselves, and listen to their stories. There are many acts that I deem worthy of being on my podcast, and with a crowded market like Vancouver, hopefully I'll get them on, slowly, yet surely.

Episode 1 - 09/16/2009 - Andy Kallstrom
Episode 2 - 09/25/2009 - Brian Majore
Episode 3 - 10/01/2009 - Shawn Broom & Garrett Quinton
Episode 4 - 10/07/2009 - No Guest
Episode 5 - 10/14/2009 - Sean Emeny

You can also subscribe to our podcast using this link.

New Found Respects

Recently I have had the opportunity to MC at one of my favorite rooms to play, Kino Café. The experience was bittersweet for me. Steve Allen² said I did fine, but I didn't feel great about my performance. In fact, everyone that I talked to told me they thought I did a good job.

The room was fairly dead. Steve said it was the smallest crowd he had seen there in over a year, consisting of about eight people. Judging how well I did by gauging the audience reaction would not be reliable. However, I did screw-up the announcement in regards to the flamenco dancing. From then on, I didn't really want to set foot back on stage. Yet, I'm the one who had to introduce everyone.

In retrospect, I didn't do as terrible a job as I felt I did. Yet I have a new found respect for the people who do it well. Guys like Mike Thomas make it look ridiculously easy. The more I do it, the better I will get at it.

Follow my twitter.

¹ Myself and co-host Andy Kallstrom.
² Komedy at Kino Café booker.

I'm Whoring My Plan

2009-10-04T22:35:00.000-07:00

Whoring Myself

Maddog Studios Comedy
Dentry's Irish Pub
Thu Oct 22, 2009
9:30 p.m.
4450 W. 10th Ave.

Dentry's Irish Pub is one of my favorite venues to play. For good reason, too. Turns out, Dentry's is very close to the University of British Columbia. This leads to what are normally young crowds. Of course, like most places, there are regulars. The regulars are quite tame, and often welcoming.

Pro-Am Tuesdays
Yuk Yuk's Comedy Club
Tue Oct 27, 2009
8:30 p.m.
1015 Burrard Street

Yuk Yuk's is a premier place for comedy in Vancouver. It is one of only two official comedy clubs (Lafflines being the other). Guaranteed there will other funny people on the show. I'll be coming off of a show at Dentry's, one of my favorite venues to play. Feel free to come on down.

Reasoning

As you may have noticed, at the beginning of most of my blogs I tell you where I am performing. Having a discussion with one of my fellow comedians, they mentioned that they never do this. As they were once told, "Your writing will get you noticed." I believe that is true. In fact, I'm not out to market and whore myself out. That is not to say that I don't want people to know where I am. I want to refrain from pressuring people to come and see me. I just want the information available out there for those who do.

I started this blog back in April as another means to get ideas and thoughts out of my head. The same reason that I created my podcast, The Chris Gaskin Show¹. I have come to realize that this blog has been full of self promotion. As of now, I will be placing where I will be performing on the side².

Getting that out of the way, I'd like to discuss what I've been doing for the past while. As I mentioned, I started this blog back in April. Right before my trip to Prince George. Arriving back in Vancouver, without a job, and beaten down, I had to think about what I wanted to accomplish. Not only what I wanted to accomplish, but how I could go about that. A road map of sorts.

The Plan: Write 5 Minutes Every Month For 12 Months
When: June 2009 - May 2010

If you look closely at what I'm trying to accomplish, it's quite ambitious. I'm trying to write 60 minutes of material in 12 months. That is 69¼ seconds each week. To break it down even more, that's ten seconds a day. It sounds fairly simple. What makes it so ambitious?

The problem is getting on stage enough to really polish the material. I believe that realistically after 12 months, with this plan, I can have 45 minutes. Not only that, this plan should help me find my voice. I will give an update at the end of every month how this is going, but let's go over the first third.

June '09
This was a test of my abilities. I didn't write five minutes, per se. I did re-write one of my bits, punching it up. I also wrote myself an opener, and a reaction line.

July '09
Yet another month that I had trouble with. I wrote a bit about Barrack Obama that is quite harsh. I've been having trouble with getting it to come across as a joke that is not racially driven. On the plus side, I got some great material. That includes my views on being cute, and my friend's being stupid before drugs.

August '09
This month more than made up for June and July. I did re-write one bit, adding it into a piece. I also wrote a ton of personal stuff that comes across really strong. The laughter is different, but in a good way. It's more genuine.

September '09
I consider September a mini-success. I'm not sure if I actually cracked 5 minutes, but it's close. I wrote more personal material. Just to prove to myself that I have more gas in that tank. I did punctuate it with some observational material.

That's enough for now. If you found this too long, follow me on twitter.
http://twitter.com/chrisgaskin

¹ More shameless self promotion.
² This applies to my blog, not facebook notes.

Comedy Shtick and Hockey Picks

2009-09-27T20:53:00.000-07:00

Comedy vs. Hockey

Lafflines Comedy Club
Thu Oct 1, 2009
8:00 p.m.
26 4th St.

Lafflines is a premier place for comedy in Vancouver. It is one of only two official comedy clubs (Yuk Yuk's being the other). The night will be headlined by Cash Levy (Comedy Central). Guaranteed there will other funny people on the show. I'm just coming off of a showcase at Lafflines, set-up by Janice Bannister, where I was the only one who didn't swear. Don't worry, I will be back to full form, with new material. If you have never seen me, or never been to Lafflines, then come on down.

I guess comedy wins on NHL opening day. I will be up at Yuk Yuk's later in October, more on that at a later date.

The Good Old Hockey Game

I'm going to make predictions on the top team in each division, and a wildcard pick from each conference, and why.

Atlantic Division - Pittsburgh Penguins
My pick for the Atlantic division is the defending Stanley Cup champions. This was one of the hardest. Pretty much every team in the Atlantic division has improved, but no one has the firepower that the Pens have. They have two first-line centers in Crosby and Malkin, and when one slacks the other steps up. Their defense remains practically unchanged, and Fleury has finally come into his own. Expect a tight race in the Atlantic division, with the Pens showcasing their talent

Northeast Division - Boston Bruins
With the trade of Phil Kessel, the Bruins lose a potent part of their offense. Last year the Bruins were a surprise team, nearly winning the Presidents trophy. Tim Thomas has proven himself to be a reliable goaltender. Expect the Bruins to bully around other teams with players like Chara and Lucic. Most likely the Bruins will walk over a fairly weak Northeast division.

Southeast Division - Washington Capitals
Let's face facts, Washington is the runaway pick for the Southeast division. With the NHL's most exciting player in Alexander Ovechkin, and a goaltender that turns heads, the Caps are a dangerous team.

Eastern Wildcard - Philadelphia Flyers
The Flyers made a major move during the off-season, adding Chris Pronger to their defensive end. This team has size and skill that is scary. Scary like the Flyers of the old. If there are any questions this hockey club will face, it's in the crease. Is Ray Emery stable enough to be a starter, and if not can Brian Boucher step up?

Central Division - Detroit Red Wings
I have picked the Red Wings because they are the Red Wings.

Northwest Division - Calgary Flames
Adding Jay Bouwmeester has bolstered the Flames defense. The Flames are one of the best all-around teams. With Mats Sundin still undecided if he'll come back, I don't see the Canucks winning the division.

Pacific Division - San Jose Sharks
The Sharks dropped the dead-weight that was Michalek and Cheechoo in exchange for Dany Heatley. I wonder who won that exchange? San Jose is fast and and potent up front. They resigned Rob Blake, ensuring size on defense. This should be a big year for last years President trophy winner.

Western Wildcard - Chicago Blackhawks
This is my clear wildcard pick. Chicago is a very young, and highly skilled team. They are quickly maturing into a threat. They knocked off the Canucks in seven last year. Yet again, the main concern is goaltending. Aside from Cristobal Huet not knowing how to pronounce his own name, I'm still not sold on him. When he's hot he's one of the best in the NHL, but he's still inconsistent.

As always, seul le temps nous le dira.

The Great Debate

2009-09-25T14:35:00.001-07:00

Where Am I?

Lafflines Comedy Club
Thu Oct 1, 2009
8:00 p.m.
26 4th St.

Lafflines is a premier place for comedy in Vancouver. It is one of only two official comedy clubs (Yuk Yuk's being the other). The night will be headlined by Cash Levy (Comedy Central). Guaranteed there will other funny people on the show. I'm just coming off of a showcase at Lafflines, set-up by Janice Bannister, where I was the only one who didn't swear. Don't worry, I will be back to full form, with new material. If you have never seen me, or never been to Lafflines, then come on down.

Wassup! That's What You Kids Say These Days, Right?

As I sit here, finishing up this delicious Pizza Pop¹, I came to realize the past couple weeks have been something. Mostly because I've been getting into heated debates with people. Debates that leave one with the urge to strike the other. Albeit, remaining angry over the topics of interest would be insanely juvenile. This point was proven by both A.J. McKenzie and myself, when I subtly brought up our argument, leading to a shared chuckle.

A.J. is a mixed martial arts fan², that has strong, negative feelings toward pro-wrestling. Understandably too, with Brock Lesnar (fromer WWE World Champion) as the UFC Heavyweight Champion. Most mixed martial arts fans think that having a former pro-wrestler as the champion and face of their sport makes it look bad, and it does. So like most hardcore mixed martial arts fans, he doesn't like pro-wrestling. I, on the other hand, enjoy both, but being that I'm in the pro-wrestling business³ I will defend it. A.J. is a great guy, and a hilarious comic, alas, we will never see eye to eye on the topic of pro-wrestling. That is fine with me, because both of our opinions, in some way or another, are flawed.

The argument was whether or not pro-wrestling was fake. I have been faced with this question many times, by many people before. Ever since kayfabe was broken in the late '90s, it's no secret. Especially with shows like, "Exposed! Pro Wrestling's Greatest Secrets" which aired on NBC in 1998. With evidence stacked against me, off we went. Being a male, I'm highly competitive. However, I'm not athletically gifted, so I debate. This was one argument, for the sake of the brotherhood, I refused to lose.

To my credit, I attacked the argument from the side. I also had Sean Emeny egging me on. When I asked A.J. what made pro-wrestling fake, he came back with the usual answers. They know who's gonna win; they protect each other, they don't hit one another; etc. I've heard it all before. The idea behind the argument is because it is choreographed, it is fake. I reminded him about dance, gymnastics, and porn. From then on, I was shunned for the rest of the night. I may have won, but I'm assuming there was a target about the size of A.J.'s fist on my face.

The next time I saw him was this past Monday. I asked him if he watched UFC 103. He said he didn't, but knew what happened. To which I replied, "So I assume you bought the TNA pay-per-view instead?" As I mentioned before, it lead to a good laugh. I have a great amount of respect for A.J. and I hope he goes far in the world of comedy.

Needless to say, the debate itself would have been great for my podcast. That's right, I have my own podcast. It's titled "The Chris Gaskin Show". I'm working out the kinks in its format, and trying to get a top quality audio recording. The first episode featured comedy newcomer Andy Kallstrom, who became the co-host. I have just posted the second episode, and would like to thank Brian Majore. It's a very enjoyable episode and relates to a few serious topics. Feel free to download it or subscribe to the RSS.

¹ Hey, Pillsbury! That's a free endorsement.
² The good type - sans glittery Tapout t-shirt.
³ I'm a referee.

Feel free to follow me on Twitter
http://twitter.com/chrisgaskin

Très Bizarre

2009-09-16T04:10:00.000-07:00

Where Am I?

The Green Room
BCMP Vapor Lounge
Thu Sept 17, 2009
8:30 p.m.
307 W Hastings St.

The Green Room is one of the newer comedy rooms in Vancouver. It is one of eight different Thursday rooms. The night has been set up by Darrell Bedford (Corner Gas Comic Genius). Being that this is in the British Columbia Marijuana Party Vapor Lounge, I think it's safe to say that I will be silly as a kite. It should be a fun night for this non-stoner, and anyone else who comes to see the show.

Vancouver’s Up and Coming Comics
Lafflines Comedy Club
Wed Sept 23, 2009
8:00 p.m.
26 4th St.

Lafflines is a premier place for comedy in Vancouver. It is one of only two official comedy clubs (Yuk Yuk's being the other). The night will be hosted by Janice Bannister. This will be taking place at Lafflines during Vancouver's Global Comedy Fest. I'm pretty stoked to do this show. I will be doing as clean a set as I possibly can.

I Love Mondays

This past Monday, I was lucky enough to sneak on a second show. It was a very odd night to say the least. I think the French would describe Monday night as très bizarre. I actually drew a club at the Kingston open mic. The crowd wasn't into it at all. Simon King and Jane Stanton both had trouble getting over.

From there I went to the Jupiter Lounge. The room is run by Seth Perry. A couple of the performers who were scheduled to go up disappeared. I, like an asshole, blurted out that I was ready. If you had seen it, you'd think it was an asshole move on my part. I'm amazed he agreed to put me up. I poked fun at the owner's expense, but not in a rude way. I did mostly new stuff, and I was happy with how I did also.

Comedy Room Rundown: Canada Line

2009-09-14T01:20:00.000-07:00

Room Name: Canada Line
Location: Richmond & Vancouver
When: 4:50am - 1:40am, daily
Booking: Machines

Room Breakdown:
Seats: Thousands, daily
Audience: Ugh
Sightlines: What?!

It's been a long time since my last Comedy Room Rundown, in which I reviewed Comedy @ The Kingston, which is still one of the better rooms to play. Now, I know the Canada Line isn't a comedy room. In fact, technically, it's not a room at all. As written on the ever reliable Wikipedia.com.

The Canada Line is a new rapid transit line in the Metro Vancouver region of British Columbia, Canada. This metro is the third line in TransLink's SkyTrain network, servicing Vancouver, Richmond, and the Vancouver International Airport. Canada Line is coloured turquoise on route maps.

It comprises 19.2 kilometres (11.8 mi) of track; the main line goes from Vancouver to Richmond, while a 4 km spur line from Bridgeport Station connects to the airport. The line opened August 17, 2009, fifteen weeks ahead of the originally scheduled opening of November 30, 2009, and well in advance of the 2010 Winter Olympics in February. The new service is expected to experience 100,000 boardings per day by 2010 and 142,000 by 2021.

To be honest, I thought this was a great idea. Now, though, I miss the 98 B-Line. More people than ever are using public transit, making it over-crowded and randomly dangerous. Yes, it means more people are going green. Yes, traffic out of Richmond may be less congested. Has it made a difference to riders using the service previous to the Canada Line? Significant, no? Needless to say, I doubt it will make any significant difference at all. I have heard that people say that the change is for the worse. Let's finish with a breakdown.

Positives:
Faster transport times
Good stop placement

Negatives:
Over-crowded
Poor running times
No alternatives

ROOM REVIEW: C-

Man of Tin

2009-09-07T01:22:00.000-07:00

Where Am I?

Drive by Comedy Showdown
Zawa
Thu Sept 10, 2009
9:30 p.m.
920 Commercial Dr.

Drive by Comedy Showdown, here I come. I need supporters for this, the lot of you people. As I've mentioned before, Zawa is a great place for comedy in Vancouver. It is hosted by Carter Hortie and Paul Breau. There are many other performers on the show, so it will be a good one. Yet again, I need all the support I can get in my quest to win $750. Come on down and have some fun (and vote for me).

The Green Room
BCMP Vapor Lounge
Thu Sept 17, 2009
8:30 p.m.
307 W Hastings St.

The Green Room is one of the newer comedy rooms in Vancouver. It is one of eight different Thursday rooms. The night has been set up by Darrell Bedford (Corner Gas Comic Genius). Being that this is in the British Columbia Marijuana Party Vapor Lounge, I think it's safe to say that I will be silly as a kite. It should be a fun night for this non-stoner, and anyone else who comes to see the show.

Thank You Microsoft

I've done a copy paste of this GameSpot.com article posted by Tor Thorsen.

Hot on the heels of a controversial Game Informer survey comes a new study that also pegs the Xbox 360 as the least reliable console on the market. Electronics-warranty company SquareTrade has issued a survey of 16,000 game consoles it serviced from the second quarter of 2007 to the first quarter of 2009. The report analyzed approximately 2,500 PlayStation 3s, 2,500 Xbox 360s and 11,000 Wiis selected at random. (The company found Wii owners much more likely to buy warranties.) All consoles had been purchased new and had not been damaged by their owners.

As with the Game Informer study, SquareTrade found that the Xbox 360's failure rate was far higher than its rivals. Some 23.7 percent of those surveyed failed within two years of purchase: 12 percent from the infamous "Red Ring of Death" and 11.7 percent from other problems, including the "E74" error. Both problems are covered by the 360's three-year manufacturer's warranty, which the company began offering in 2007 for a cost of over $1 billion.

Historically, the 360 is more than twice as likely to fail as its rivals.

By contrast, the study found 10 percent of PlayStation 3s surveyed failed within two years of purchase, as did 2.7 percent of Wiis. However, SquareTrade pointed out an April survey by media-research firm Nielsen that concluded the Wii is the least played of the three major consoles, being used for only 516 minutes per month. By contrast, the Xbox 360 is played over twice as much (1,191 minutes per month), with the PS3 lagging slightly behind it (1,053 minutes per month).

Also to its credit, SquareTrade released a timeline for Xbox 360s that failed in their first year. Up until 2007, the 360 "Xenon" and "Zephyr" models were equipped with a 90nm-process CPU and GPU that generated considerable heat--a likely culprit in the still officially unexplained Red Ring of Death failures. Their replacement, called "Falcon," was released in the fourth quarter of 2007 with a cooler 65nm-process CPU and a 90nm GPU, several months after the launch of the Xbox 360 Elite.

However, the Falcon introduction had an adverse immediate effect, with the first two quarters of 2008 seeing first-year 360 failures spike to 10 percent. However, the study points out that a sell-off of older consoles in the fourth quarter of 2007, which then met their maker the following year, could also be a factor.

Since Q3 2008, first-year 360 failure rates have plummeted.

Fortunately, SquareTrade found that Xbox 360 quality has improved dramatically since the third quarter of 2008, shortly before the 65nm CPU/GPU "Jasper" model was introduced. Since then, first-year failure rates have plummeted to below the 4 percent the company projected. Looking at 500 units purchased in 2009, SquareTrade found that less than 1 percent had suffered the Red Ring of Death.

SquareTrade's analysis of recently purchased 360s appears to back up statements made by Xbox 360 and Xbox Live director of product management Aaron Greenberg. In an interview with GameSpot just before the Xbox 360 Elite $299 price drop, the executive said that Microsoft has made great improvements in the console's quality control.

"I think we've made it clear we stand by the quality of our product, and we will make it right by fixing the problem at no extra cost to you," declared Greenberg. "But at the same time, we've been working hard to make improvements in the products we're currently making, so I really feel like most of this is well behind us."

Anyone who knows me, knows that I never thank a corporation. So why would I be thanking Microsoft? Guess who's Xbox 360 joined the 23.7%? With PS3s so cheap, I may just get one of those instead. However, I'm really looking forward to certain exclusive games, most notably Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Conviction. This is the third time an Xbox 360 has broken down on me. I'm not saying picking one up is a bad decision, just beware. Given corporations track-records of sacrificing quality for profit, if Superman would have been created today, he would not be the 'Man of Steel'. Instead, he'd be the 'Man of Tin', and he'd come already broken.

Before I publish this, I'd like to tout the website I created for comedian Brian Majore. Click here to check it out.

Like The Babe

2009-08-28T02:57:00.000-07:00

Short and sweet today. Here's my set from last night.

I did so well, I'll be back tonight for a guest spot. I urge you all to come down and root me on. Seriously! Come and support live stand-up comedy. I guarantee you'll have a great time. Not only that, but your headliner is Kevin McGrath, and he is outstanding.

Lafflines
Fri Aug 28, 2009
9:00 p.m.
26 4th St.

Looking Up ('Cause I'm Short)

2009-08-23T02:57:00.000-07:00

Where Am I?

Lafflines
Thu Aug 27, 2009
7:30 p.m.
26 4th St.

Lafflines is a premier place for comedy in Vancouver. It is one of only two official comedy clubs (Yuk Yuk's being the other). The night will be hosted by Christopher Molineux (HBO Comedy Special). Guaranteed there will be a bunch of people on the show who are funnier than me. If you have never seen me, or never been to Lafflines, then come on down.

What's Up With Things?

Funny that I've waited so long to post this. It's been a weird week for me. People are expecting me to be up performing, yet I'm having trouble getting stage time. Not as much trouble as when I started and wasn't funny (I had glimpses here and there). I'm having issues with a booker. That's another story, and it's not truly appropriate on this type of forum. That person knows who they are, and I probably won't be getting a spot at their room any time soon. However, I felt I needed to tell them off. I'm sick of taking their potshots and being power-played by them.

That being said, Saturday night was amazing. I went to Yuk Yuk's to route on Simon King. He is a machine, and one of the most brilliant, prolific comedians I've ever seen. He is someone who inspires me to take risks and be better. In the entertainment business you have very few friends, and I consider him to be one of them.

He's the type of person who is very supportive, yet will give me a kick in the ass when needed. Talking with him is more reassuring that anything. However, he did mention something to me that mirrored another comedian's view. He mentioned that because I am cute, my material can cause the audience to get overly protective of me. The material in question is about my heart problems, and the events I've went through because of it. They want me to succeed, but I want them to join the ride.

I also had time to workshop a premise for a joke with him. I had promised one of my other friends, Brian Majore, that I would do so for a while now. I told Simon what the premise was, and he laughed. He thought it was good, yet I thought something was missing. When I said that, he gave me a masterful piece of advice. If the idea is too complex, boil it down to basics. This doesn't quite change the direction of the bit, but it makes it more relative.

I'm feeling good. Despite not having my own working computer. Despite my Xbox 360 not working properly*. Despite not getting booked as much as I'd like. Despite being pretty much flat broke. I'm feeling good. So good, that I broke out and jogged for a mile. So yeah, I'm feeling good, but that may just be the alcohol talking.

I'm on Twitter.

* Still need to troubleshoot, probably (read: hopefully) the cord.

Lost In This World

2009-08-07T18:02:00.000-07:00

Where Am I?

Yuk Yuk's
Wed Aug 12, 2009
8:00 p.m.
1015 Burrard St.

Yuk Yuk's really is the premier place for comedy in Vancouver. It is one of only two official comedy clubs (Lafflines being the other). The night will be hosted by Patrick Maliha (2008 Georgia Straight Best Local Comedian). Guaranteed there will be a bunch of people on the show who are funnier than me. If you have never seen me, or never been to Yuk Yuk's, then come on down.

Where Was I?

Last Sunday I was out at the Abbotsford Agri-fair. Why was I there? An old friend of mine called me to say he was in the Vancouver area. He was performing at the fair with a bunch of other guys I knew. I met him in Surrey and from there we went to Abbotsford. We went through the volunteer check-in. Without leaving the building, we turned right and there was the ring.

I had arrived with Mauler. Other wrestlers included "Streetfighter" Timothy Flowers, Honky Tonk Man, Adrian Walls, "Mr Beefy" Vance Nevada, among others. It was great being around the wrestling scene again. As much as I love comedy, it just lacks the same camaraderie that wrestling has. Sure, comedy has a fulfilling feeling, but you're a lone wolf. Even though you should work as a team, comedy doesn't easily fit that bill. It's the one thing I look forward to when I step in that ring. More on wrestling at a later date though.

Where Should I Be?

Dentry's
Thursdays
9:45 p.m.
4450 W 10th Ave.

Dentry's is one of my favourite independent rooms. The layout of the venue is a bit odd, but it's still a great place for comedy. You think that with the bottom empty, you're set will be no more than a train wreck. Then, out of nowhere, laughter comes from up top. It is a great experience. I've performed there not once, not twice, but thrice. Every single time it has been a great experience.

I feel more comics need to know about this room, and need to take it seriously. When they get a new promo person, this room will be among the best independent shows Vancouver has to offer. Not only for audiences, as the booker is doing a fine job ensuring each week has a high level of quality comedy. The room will be one of the most important rooms for comedians, as the crowd is almost exclusively the sought after college crowd. What does a college crowd mean for the room? It means two things. One. The crowd will be filled intelligent people, eager to be entertained. Two. Comedians will have a large amount of fun, and will be forced to return with new material.

In time, I will do a full Comedy Room Rundown piece on Dentry's. In the mean time, I suggest you drop by. This room needs all the support it can get. It is like a cute little baby crying. So head out there, feed it, and smother it with love.

Hospital Blues

2009-08-01T21:23:00.000-07:00

All Wired Up

Part of myself that I address onstage, is the fact that I have had two open-heart surgeries (Tetralogy of Fallot, and Pulmonary Valve Replacement). I use these as topics because behind my humour is anger, and behind that anger is pain, and behind that pain is love. I love the fact that we have ways to keep people alive that do massive amounts of emotional damage. The world is a crazy place, and I'm just adding to it.

On July 30, 2009 I had to where a Holter Monitor (pictured above) for 24 hours. This is part of a series of tests, all of which I should have taken three years ago. If there is a reason for my procrastination, it's probably because I'm a shit.

So I get to St. Paul's Hospital in Vancouver. I had been called up the day before, and scheduled this test. I enter the hospital and step towards the map on the wall. I was there to see the PACH team, and didn't know where to go. An employee sees this and approaches me.

Employee: Where do you need to go?
Me: PACH Team
Employee: What?
Me: I'm here to see the PACH Team.
Employee: I don't know what that is.
Me: Congenital Heart.
Employee: (Walks over to Info Desk) Where is the PACH Team?
Info Desk: Level 5C
Employee: Head along this hall way, up the stair to the elevators. Go to 5C.
Me: Thank you.

Off I go. I walk down the hall way, up a small set of stairs, and head to the elevators. I step in with three other people, and we all hit different buttons. The elevator stops at level 5 and I step off. I look to my right and read off the sign hanging off the ceiling, it shows 5A and 5B. I look at the sign to my right which does not have a "5C" anywhere on it. I look down the hall way and see a reception area. I head there and begin to talk to the receptionist.

Receptionist: Name?
Me: Gaskin comma Chris.
Receptionist: No... Why are you here?
Me: I got a call from the PACH Team, for some tests today.
Receptionist: Where's your letter.
Me: What letter?
Receptionist: Your letter from the PACH Team.
Me: I don't have one.
Receptionist: Who the hell sent you up here? Hold on. (Calls the PACH Team) Head to Cardiology level 2.
Me: Okay, thank you.

I get out of the seat, and head back to the elevator. I step in the elevator and go to hit the button. I then stare at the console, bewildered. There is no "2" button, what the fuck?! I hit 3, step out to read the signs, then step back in. I hit 1, and do the same. Back I go to the clueless employee for more directions. She tells me to follow the red line, then gestures to it. Oh Canadian health care, thanks for the constant stream of material.

Performance Dates

Dentry's
Thu Aug 6, 2009
9:45 p.m.
4450 W 10th Ave.

Dentry's is one of my favourite independent rooms. Not only does it still have that new room smell. It is also one of the only venues that has a college student demographic. The layout of the venue is a bit odd, but it's still a great place for comedy. I'm going to do some newer and older material. If you haven't been, I suggest you drop by.

Yuk Yuk's
Wed Aug 12, 2009
8:00 p.m.
1015 Burrard St.

Yuk Yuk's really is the premier place for comedy in Vancouver. It is one of only two official comedy clubs (Lafflines being the other). The night will be hosted by Patrick Maliha (2008 Georgia Straight Best Local Comedian). Guaranteed there will be a bunch of people on the show who are funnier than me. If you have never seen me, or never been to Yuk Yuk's, then come on down.

Funny People Review

2009-07-31T22:04:00.000-07:00

As I said, I'll be reviewing Funny People in this blog. I'd like to share my experience first though. First off, it is hot as hell in Vancouver. Record highs have been sweeping the province of British Columbia. Luckily for me, the Famous Players was air conditioned. The box office opened thirteen minutes late, proving this establishment is a well oiled machine. I purchase my ticket and have to show ID. Then I head up to get the ticket torn, and get asked to show ID again.

I head into the theatre, only to hear a Lady on her cell phone saying she'll be home in two hours (highly unlikely). A couple of young (early 20s) girls sit down, and immediately debate how funny Funny People will be. This of course was punctuated with one of them saying Little Miss Sunshine wasn't funny. Obviously these girls don't understand intelligent humour.

The lights dim, the projector turns on, and it's about five feet too far to the left and up. I was told by a staff member that it was being addressed, which is code for, "I'll let someone know." This wasn't fixed until about two minutes after the show started, once again proving how well oiled of a machine Famous Players is. Before the previews they open with an ad for Stella. Best. Ad. Ever.

There were five trailers shown, two stuck out to me. A Christmas Carol, a film by Robert Zemeckis (The Polar Express, Beowulf). It is a mo-cap animated film, much like BeoWulf, based on the classic Charles Dickens story. The Informant, a film by Steven Soderbergh (Traffic, Ocean's Eleven). This is a based on true events story about the FBI taking on an agri-business giant. It looks very funny. Other trailers included Zombieland, Despicable Me, and Couples Retreat.

Funny People

Writer/Director: Judd Apatow
Starring: Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Leslie Mann
Rated: 18A CAN, R US
Run Time: 2h 26m

I would like to start this off by saying Funny People is a very good movie. If you are expecting a movie close to The 40-Year Old Virgin, or Knocked Up, you won't be disappointed. However Funny People has more of a dramatic side than those two. The good news is that it keeps the same intelligent comedy, and adds a bunch of dick jokes*. Funny People is definitely a mix of drama and comedy, dramedy if you will, focusing on topics such as death.

Funny People centers around George Simmons (Adam Sandler), a very successful stand up comedian who learns that he has an untreatable blood disorder and is given less than a year to live, and Ira Wright (Seth Rogen), who is a struggling up-and-coming stand up comedian who works at a deli and has yet to figure out his onstage persona. One night, these two perform at the same club and George takes notice of Ira. George hires Ira to be his semi-personal assistant as well as his friend. I will stop there as to not give too much away.

The movie opens with stock footage taken by Judd Apatow of Sandler making prank phone calls, this is a great way to set the tone of the first seventy minutes of the movie. It is the last hour where the movie steps over its own feet though. It seems as if Apatow wanted to tell two stories. As the second half of the movie focuses on what starts as a side-story. Where the first half is quick paced and funny, the second half almost halts to a more direct drama. I have nothing against dramas, but this is where Funny People goes wrong. It just feels completely unfocused.

As regular stand-up comedy performer, it's nice to see a movie that follows stand up comedians. The accuracy of the culture is one of the films strong points. Although, it doesn't hit very hard on topics like jealousy and back-stabbing. Being that this film follows comedians, the amount of cameos is outstanding. There are some very funny moments with Andy Dick, Sarah Silverman, and Norm MacDonald. Although, my favourite cameo belongs to Eminem. Ray Romano takes a picture of Eminem talking with George Simmons, causing Eminem to berate Romano, asking Ray if he'd like to fuck him. This in turn causes Ira to turn to Ray and say, "I thought everyone loved you."

The acting is top notch. Sandler gives a blisteringly hot dramatic performance as George Simmons. His range really shows in this film, proving that he can be more than just a passive-aggressive goofball. Both Rogen and Leslie Mann give excellent performances as well. The supporting cast is almost criminally underused. Eric Bana is hilarious playing Laura's (Mann) husband. Jason Schwartzman and Jonah Hill are great as Ira's arrogantly successful roommates. Not to mention the great small roles played by RZA and Aziz Ansari.

I highly enjoyed Funny People. Although it may be a bit unbalanced and unfocused, it is still a very great movie. If you are a fan of Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, or Judd Apatow, or you want to have an idea of what stand-up comedy is like, you must see this movie. Funny People is one of the years best comedies.

* I'm not kidding, at all.

Too Hot? See This Movie!

2009-07-28T15:52:00.000-07:00

Allow the hype train to begin. I personally can't wait for this movie to be released. "Funny People" looks to be one of the best movies of the year. Of course, take it with a grain of salt, because I happened to like "Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen"*. The movie, written and directed by Judd Apatow (The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Knocked Up), stars Adam Sandler (Happy Gilmore, Punch-Drunk Love), Seth Rogen (Knocked Up, Pineapple Express), and Leslie Mann (Stealing Harvard, Knocked Up).

IMDb Plot Summary

George Simmons (Sandler) is a very successful stand up comedian who learns that he has an untreatable blood disorder and is given less than a year to live. Ira Wright (Rogen) is a struggling up-and-coming stand up comedian who works at a deli and has yet to figure out his onstage persona. One night, these two perform at the same club and George takes notice of Ira. George hires Ira to be his semi-personal assistant as well as his friend.

"Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien" Cast Interviews

The fact that this is a Universal film makes sense that this would be the late night talk show to plug it on. Seeming as NBC is owned by Universal.

Adam Sandler P1 (07/20/09)

Adam Sandler P2 (07/20/09)

Jonah Hill P1 (07/21/09)

Jonah Hill P2 (07/21/09)

Seth Rogen P1 (07/24/09)

Seth Rogan P2 (07/24/09)

Judd Apatow (07/27/09)

Next Blog

I have decided to stay away from reading reviews. For a number of reasons. I know they will be positive. Most importantly, I don't want too much of the film spoiled. I will, however, give a full extensive review of "Funny People" as soon as I see it. Expect it Friday evening.

Side Note

I will be performing at Yuk Yuk's in Vancouver at some point it August. Keep checking back for more info on this. The set I will do is mashed material which is no less than 4 months old.

* Transformers: RotF was not a good movie, but I enjoyed it.

Feel free to tweet me.

See Live Entertainment

2009-07-24T13:58:00.000-07:00

As I sit on my friends laptop typing this, listening to "Wrong Way" by Sublime*, watching him play Mario Kart Double Dash on his Nintendo Gamecube, I see things. Like, for example, we take these situations for granted. I'm very thankful for my friends. Sure, sometimes I do a piss-poor job of showing it, because I'm an asshole. I hope they know that I enjoy my time with them more than almost anything.

Yet, my selfish side still comes out. Where were these guys last night. Well, not these guys specifically, I know they were working. Where were my other friends though? It's nice to see friends come out to my events. Do they have to come out all the time? Of course not. I don't even expect them to make it out to most of my shows. It would be naive and very selfish to think this way. It would be nice to see some support though.

Support is what keeps the entertainment business going. Without it you'll end up with a bunch of watered-down, Nickleback-like acts. It is very boorish to watch banality succeed. Why should it? Performers love too see an audience. It pushes us to give you 110%** and it boosts our confidence and morale. Not only that, but it gets you out to see how talented others are. Entertainment is there to inspire you.

Even with 15 audience members, I had a whole bunch of fun last night. I highly suggest you head out to Zawa. Better late than never. I've been meaning to just head out there to check it out, but haven't gotten around to it. I would like to thank Carter Hortie for inviting me down to do a set. If they get an audience, it can be among the best independent rooms in Vancouver. Go check out the show.

If comedy is not your thing, and I don't understand how that could be the case, you can see a number of different events. Music, plays, pro-wrestling***, these are just a number of suggestions. Very good suggestions too. Regardless, I challenge you to go out and see live entertainment. You owe it to yourself.

* Song ended by the time I typed the third sentence.
** Impossible number. You can only give 100%.
*** Very physical. They put their bodies on the line. I cannot suggest this enough.

Feel free to follow me on Twitter.

Realisations, Competitions, Games, and Drive-Bys

2009-07-19T21:10:00.000-07:00

Today, I'm actually going to treat this blog like, well, a blog. What does that mean for you? It means, realistically, you can just click on to something else and not worry one bit.

Really? You're going to continue to read this? Okay.

Weeks and days will average themselves out. Sure the past few kind of sucked, but I'll just tuck my head in and grind on through. Maybe I'll catch the rainbow. Regardless of what happens, in the big picture, my life means nothing. Don't worry, I have no plans to off myself. What I'm saying, is that every single one of us is no more than a minuscule piece of irrelevant energy. That is, unless you read the bible. Take a step back and think about how small we are compared to the world. One person cannot, by himself, make a massive difference. Now, think about how small we are compared to our solar system. Then extrapolate this thought process. We are all irrelevant in the universe.

That being said, I enjoy entertaining others. Which is why I decided to throw my cap in "The People's Champ $1000 Comedy Competition." From what I was told by many other performers, last week was the most competitive week of the preliminaries. Needless to say I didn't pass through. I was very happy with my set, and felt that I could have easily finished top three. I would like to take this time to congratulate the three who passed through. Adam Pateman, the accidental hipster. In my opinion, he was the best that night. Kyle Bottom, who half-assed his performance. The fact that he passed through in this fashion, cements him as one of Vancouver's finest. Last but not least, Danny Mendlow. Danny is one of the most well written comedians I've personally seen. I wish the best for the three of you. Click on the names to see YouTube clips.

More than entertaining, I enjoy being entertained. One of my favourite past times, since I have been a kid, is video games. With 2009's Electronic Entertainment Expo behind us, I have decided to announce the 3 games I'm most looking forward to. Without further adieu.

Shadow Complex - Chair Entertainment - Xbox 360
This download-only game is a call back to some of the fondest memories of gaming. The game has been said to be adventure punctuated by action. It is a a full 3D game that plays as a 2D side-scroller. This is a next-gen Super Metroid.

Scribblenauts - 5th Cell Media - Nintendo DS
This game is tough to describe. Platforming mixed in with a creative sandbox puzzle game. Need to get over a big gap, enter "bridge". Not into walking, enter "helicopter". Sounds great.

Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Conviction - Ubisoft Montreal Studios - Xbox 360 / PC
I've always liked the Splinter Cell series. Take what Ubisoft has done in the past. Then ramp up the intensity, the speed, and the action. You will feel like Jason Bourne should feel like in a game.

This week I'll be performing at Drive-By Comedy. It's a Thursday night show, run by Carter Hortie and Paul Breau. These guys are two of the funniest and most well respected comedians in Vancouver. It is an honour to perform at their room. Located at Zawa. Show starts at 9:00 p.m. I urge you to come down and support your local comedy scene. It's up to you to keep the industry afloat.

Take note I'll be writing another "Comedy Room Rundown". You can decide which room I review. Head to my blog and vote for what you want. I write, but you choose. While your at it, Follow Me on Twitter. Until next time.

Worst Night Ever

2009-07-07T16:43:00.000-07:00

In this day and age I am appalled that 80% of socialising is done online. In the world that we live in, we are getting more stupid as the days go by. Why is it a person will stab the next in the back, yet no one takes accountability? Are we blind to this large hypocrisy which rules us?

On Monday July 2, 2009, I left my grandparents house (my current place of residence) to go to an open-mic. I knew full well that my friend was in town. I promptly met up with him. Now I had not seen this friend in almost a year, so it was refreshing to catch up. As the hours got late and we were going to part, I was left with an ultimatum. Go back to my grandparents, or go to my friends. Seeming as I hadn't seen him, and we were at one point very close, I opted to join him instead of heading back and being depressed. It was very late when this compulsive action was chosen, so along with it, I decided not to call, as to not disturb my grandparents sleep. Off we go to his place, to play video games and go to sleep.

The next morning I wake up. I look at my phone, realising the one bar of life, off it goes. The Gamecube gets fired up, Super Mario Strikers appears on the screen, we lose ourselves in the euphoria of competition. After a few best-of-sevens, we leave the house for downtown. My friend needs to drop off resumes. We stop on Commercial Drive, where he stops at multiple locations. We head up then back, then off we go to Brentwood Town Centre. My friend drops off a resume at one of the stores, then we proceed to get food. From there we go back to his place. We throw in a movie, I look at my watch and realize that if I'm stopping at Yuk Yuk's, I might as well leave right away.

I promptly left and started to walk towards the Sky Train. I open my phone, turn it on, and proceed to dial my grandparents. My grandmother picks up the phone, and I announce myself. This, of course, is followed by a verbal lashing best described as a mixture of lecturing and scolding. I was displeased with this action taken upon me, and naturally voiced my immediate displeasure. I hopped on the Sky Train, and met up with a fellow comedian at Yuk's. After said comedian's set we decided to head on to Kino Cafe, where they were supposed to have stage time.

I walk in, and pretty much immediately receive a scolding from another friend of mine, whom was called by my brother and grandparents. Prior to this, I had no idea how far this series of choices had affected. Everyone assumed the worst. And over the next few moments, a number of text messages, waiting for my phone to be on, flooded in. I quickly swallowed it and unwisely covered it up with machismo.

"I take pride in feeling like an independent person." I proclaimed to my friend.

Then, after the show, I go up to the person running the event. To whom I coyly ask for a spot. Caught off guard by myself asking personally, he proceeded to deal out my third scolding of the night. Citing that my actions were a terrible way to treat the person who normally books the room. I went to the washroom, then left. I had been officially exhausted emotionally to the point of breakdown. My friend ran after me as I left swallowing my emotions. I could not even talk to him for fear I would emotionally breakdown (once again, machismo) in front of him. I quickly said goodbye and started my walk to the bus stop.

This was one of the longest walks I have ever taken in my life. Attempting to calm myself down, I put my ear buds in and turned up The Beatles. Realizing that was failing miserably, I quickly switched to Audioslave. With the music cranked up, i prepared for an emotional confrontation with myself. I wore my pride on one shoulder and my machismo on the other, as to make myself strong. I had now beaten myself down mentally, and was slipping in and out of a nervous breakdown, hyperventilating one moment, stable the next. By the time I got to the bus stop, I had calmed myself down.

When I sat down on the bus was when I was hit the hardest mentally though. With my hood up, my Zune playing Audioslave, I tried to meditate. There was no way I could clear my head. I was continually going over that past 30 hours in my head. Then I looked up and saw my reflection in the window. All I could see is the people I hurt, and I hated myself.

To make matters worse, when I finally arrived home I realised that my pet project, which I had put countless hours into, had been pulled out from under me. I was supposed to be doing a show for the PGX this August. At least, this is what I was promised in September '08. Now I was originally asked to do stand-up comedy. Seeming as it was a fair, I wanted to switch it up for the PGX's sake. Thousands of people to listen to my foul mouth? I pitched a late night style talk show, "Let's Talk with Chris Gaskin". Not only was it a creative yet alternative form of entertainment; it was a great way to promote artists that would be looked over. I had already known unofficially through a third party in this email

Re: PGX Talkshow‏
From: XXXXX XXXXXXX (xxxxxxxxx@xxxx.xx)
Sent: July 1, 2009 6:33:03 PM
To: Chris Gaskin (xxxxxxxxxx@lxxxx.xx)
Hey
I'll do it, but talk to XXXX first because XXXX and XXXX said you are not in the PGX. So make sure. Cheers.
Me :)

This is what I read tonight.

Re: PGX‏
From: XXXX XXXXXX (xxxxxxxxxxxxx@xxxxx.xxx)
Sent: July 3, 2009 5:04:36 PM
To: Chris Gaskin (xxxxxxxxxx@xxxx.xx)
Hi Chris, XXXX said he left you a message last night. He hasn't checkd his email for two weeks, so I'm answering your inquiry. The community stage is for "artists" and after speaking with the board and PGX manager, it was decided that your idea didn't fall into the realm of music, dance or theater. Sorry, but we have to decline your offer. See you next time you're in town. XXXX

I was never left a message. In fact, I spent the better part of the week trying to get a hold of them. It was quite obvious that my calls were being ignored. I was being actively avoided. I cannot explain how frustrating this is to find out the fate of your pet project through a third party. Not to mention that this isn't their first false promise to me.

Although I have been hit pretty hard, I request that I'm not viewed as a victim. In the grand scheme of things, we are all vast amounts of nothing. Yet, I must sincerely apologize to all parties that my actions have affected. It is very heart warming to know so many care. I was hurt deeply by the fact that I hurt many of you. No one deserves to be put through the pain in which I had inflicted on you. I am deeply sorry to have put you through a ridiculous roller coaster of emotions, and frantic goose chasing, when a simple late night phone call could have prevented this.

Back in PG

2009-06-21T22:00:00.000-07:00

This post has been a longtime coming. First a simple breakdown of what happened.

Thu May 7, 2009
- Land in Prince George

May 8-18, 2009
- Saw Star Trek
- Saw a friend from elementary
- Performed at open mics
- Whole bunch of nothing

Tue May 19, 2009
- It snowed all day

Thu May 21, 2009
- Andreas Canete lands

Fri May 22, 2009
- Brian Majore lands
- The Comedy Soap Box is a success

Sat May 23, 2009
- Andreas Canete flies back to Vancouver

Sun May 25, 2009
- Illusion show featuring William The Conjurer

Mon May 26, 2009
- Illusion show featuring Sam Pierce

May 27-30, 2009
- Whole bunch of nothing

Sun May 31, 2009
- Kory Jochimski's Birthday

Mon June 1, 2009
- Land in Vancouver

I believe that was a more than ample breakdown of my "vacation."

The best thing about being in Prince George is that I consider the place my hometown. Sure I was not born there, but I grew up in that hole. By hole, I mean geographically. The place is surrounded by mountains. It's not a valley, it's a hole. A hole filled with five story buildings. They can't pass it off as a metropolis. It's a hole. A hole to which I call home, like a gopher or a meerkat.

A hole that I will return to in the late summer. Returning for reasons which cannot be discussed at this moment in time. Fear not, I promise you that my blog will get an exclusive look into what is going on. Although I can tell you to get excited about it, as it will be a whole bunch of fun. Hours of work will go into this little pet project of mine, which I'm sure you all will greatly enjoy. More information to come at a later date, I promise.

The Comedy Soap Box is to date one of the best shows I've put on. Not without it's faults however. It was a big mistake giving a certain someone a second chance at stage time. Unfortunately this person does not realize that lifting material is not only plagiarism, but is does nothing to help better a performer. I had been no-showed by another certain someone, whom I will give one more chance. My performance was also highly lackluster as I did not put any focus into it, rather ensuring the show went without a hitch.

Big thanks go out to Andreas Canete and Brian Majore. Without them, the show would have been a complete train wreck. You two are rock stars in my eyes. I cannot thank either of you enough. You were insanely hysterical, and have led to high demand for another show. I tip my cap to the two of you for writing your part in this persons history.

Come back later this week where I discuss the finer points in life.

Happy Fathers Day Dad and Happy Early Birthday Mom.

Comedy Room Rundown: Kingston

2009-05-06T22:19:00.001-07:00

Room Name: Comedy @ The Kingston
Location: 755 Richards St, Vancouver, B.C.
When: Thursdays, 9:00pm
Booking: Johnny Scoop

Room Breakdown:
Seats: About 40-50
Audience: 90% Good
Sightlines: Mediocre with camera

One of the best things about this comedy show is choice in venue. It may be tucked in a basement, but it holds a fair amount of people. No only that, it looks like a comedy club with a brick wall and dart boards behind the performers. As long as you sit stage-side, sightlines are great. However, when you are bar-side large pillars obstruct the view. This is slightly remedied by a camera hooked up the television stream. This is a good idea, but it takes away from the crowd and can become a distraction. Audiences are great, so long as it is not on the same night as the Canucks play. The room has a high fun factor for comics.

ROOM REVIEW: B-

See live comedy.

ALERT - Level 5 Pandemic - ALERT

2009-04-29T18:39:00.000-07:00

Originally this post was to be about the NHL Playoffs. However a shell game has come to light. Do not worry I will put my NHL predictions at the bottom, but they wont be as in-depth as they were going to be. Alas there are more important issues.

********************************************************************************************
Posted on Yahoo.com
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090429/ap_on_he_me/med_swine_flu

By LAURAN NEERGAARD and TOM RAUM, Associated Press Writers Lauran Neergaard And Tom Raum, Associated Press Writers – 32 mins ago

WASHINGTON – The Geneva-based World Health Organization on Wednesday raised its alert level for the fast-spreading swine flu to its next-to-highest notch, signaling a global pandemic could be imminent.

The move came after the virus spread to at least 10 U.S. states from coast to coast and swept deeper into Europe.

"It really is all of humanity that is under threat during a pandemic," said WHO Director General Margaret Chan. "We do not have all the answers right now but we will get them."

In the United States, President Barack Obama mourned the first U.S. death, a Mexican toddler who had traveled with his family to Texas. Total American cases surged to nearly 100, and Obama said wider school closings might be necessary.

In Mexico, where the flu is believed to have originated, officials said Wednesday the disease is now confirmed or suspected in 159 deaths, and nearly 2,500 illnesses.

There were no other deaths confirmed from the flu. But health officials in the United States and around the world braced for them.

Dr. Richard Besser, the acting chief of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, said in Atlanta there were 91 confirmed cases in ten states, with 51 in New York, 16 in Texas and 14 in California. Two cases have been confirmed in Kansas, Massachusetts and Michigan, while single cases have been reported in Arizona, Indiana, Nevada and Ohio.

State officials in Maine said laboratory tests had confirmed three cases in that state, although those had not yet been included in the CDC count. And the Pentagon said that a Marine in southern California had tested positive for the disease.

WHO has confirmed human cases of swine flu in Mexico, the United States, Canada, Britain, Israel, New Zealand and Spain.

Germany and Austria became the latest countries to report infections. Germany reported four cases on Wednesday, Austria one.

In Washington, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano was questioned closely by senators about whether the U.S. should close its border with Mexico, where the outbreak apparently began and the casualties have been the greatest. She repeated the administration's position that questioning of people at borders and ports of entry was sufficient for now and said closing borders "has not been merited by the facts."

The WHO said the phase 5 alert means there is sustained human to human spread in at least two countries. It also signals that efforts to produce a vaccine will be ramped up.

Just Monday, the WHO had raised the alert level from 3 to 4. The organization is part of the United Nations.

Asked for advice for ordinary citizens, Chan, the WHO chief, said: "Continue with your business but try to pay special attention to personal hygiene."

Dr. Keiji Fukuda, WHO's top flu expert, said vigilance was all important because it was not known how severe the outbreaks would become.
*******************************************************************************************

About this Swine Flu:
First and foremost, the swine flu is quite peculiar. Most influenza starts in the east and moves to the west, unless they are started on a military base (look-up the 1918 influenza epidemic). Also, here is an important piece of information, flu season is over. If you are like me, and can't read in between lines, this flu started out of flu season and in the western hemisphere. Most experts are saying that this is a designer virus, manufactured by governments for bio-warfare. Government is a well documented power struggle with the general public. This swine flu has killed only seven people (as of press time), it is not an epidemic. The seasonal flu killed thousands since January. This "epidemic" is nothing more than a scare tactic, also known as terrorism.

About Pandemic Level 5:
Pandemic Level 5 includes forced incubation, and Government enforced shutdown and quarantine. The problem isn't quite the measures that can be taken, it's what the next level enforces. Level 6 is no more than martial law. If the public is asked to stay in there houses during Level 6 and they so much as step outside, they can be shot and killed by government forces.

The Shell Game:
Currently there is legislator going through in the USA enforcing a high level of gun control. This can be argued about all day. The fact of the matter is that the public’s right to bear arms is set up in the event of severe tyranny. I’m on both sides of this bill, strictly because firearms are dangerous. When taken away from the public though, the government then has unprecedented power. The Bush administration is under investigation for human rights violations and war crimes in regards to torture. The USA is in a depression. They’re recent economic forecast was listed as dismal at best. These three are worse than the swine flu, and none are in the public eye right now.

As a side note, in 1918 most of the deaths were caused by an untested vaccine. If at all possible, experts suggest you do not get a swine flu vaccine.

NHL Round 2:
West
DET def. ANA (6 games, Wings PP is the difference)
VAN def. CHI (6 games, Luongo is the difference)
East
BOS def. CAR (4 games, Bruins steamroll)
PIT def. WAS (6 games, Fleury is the difference)

UFC 2009 Undisputed (Xbox 360) Playtest

2009-04-28T13:35:00.000-07:00

I've downloaded the demo of UFC 2009 Undisputed for the Xbox 360 and have decided to give my verdict on how the game is so far. Knowing it's a demo, specific mechanics are missing, Career Mode and Create A Fighter to list a few. I was a bit skeptical heading in as this was being developed by the same company (Yukes Co. Ltd.) spearheading the WWE franchise, which has been lackluster as of late. I will now break it down into three categories with four sub-categories.

Presentation
**************
Visuals:
Simply put, the visuals in this game are very good. Not great, as there are a few things holding it back. Crowd detail is okay at best, the demo only has Mandalay Bay as an arena, so it's tough to tell if there will be better venue detail. Not to mention that there are some minor collision detection issues here and there. These are few and far between, and don't take away from the experience, yet noticeable. Fighter and referee models are well detailed. Where this game shines is in the animation department. Little intricacies, like weight shifts in the ground game and blood that stays on the mat and other fighter. Not to mention that it looks like a UFC broadcast, from the tale of the tape, to the replays, and everything else in between.
Sound:
Although the commentary can get repetitive, this is a demo. On the plus side, it sounds like the UFC, what more do you want?

Gameplay
***********
Fighting Mechanics:
The meat of a game is always the gameplay. This game should not disappoint. The game consists of three parts, just like a real UFC fight. The stand-up is good consisting of multiple attacks. Submissions is probably the worst part, consisting in button mashing. The ground game is where this game shines. Jostling positions with your foe to better your attacks is both a challenge and very rewarding.
Learning Curve:
The brawling and submissions should come very easy to avid gamers. The ground game on the other hand is tough to master. It took me a half hour to grasp it in standard gameplay, and that was after going through the tutorial. Aside from this, it is a fairly simple game that any gamer can pick up and play.

Buy, Rent, Ignore?
*******************
If you are a UFC or fighting game fan, buy. If you are a video game fan, rent. If you don't play video games or watch UFC, why did you read this far?

Come back later this week for my thoughts on the first round, and what is to be the second round of the NHL Playoffs.

Jokes vs. Bits

2009-04-25T14:51:00.000-07:00

After hanging out at Yuk Yuks last night I came to a stunning realization. I will probably never be as funny as Rob Pue, or it'll take a long time. Rob is probably one of the best comics I've seen live. He does about 75% bits and 25% jokes. Many local (Vancouver) comedians have reached success with jokes. John Beulher, Phil Hanley, and Dave Shumka, just to list a few. Not to mention up-and-comers like Tom Shiboka, Ben McGinnis, and Cliff Paul. Is it really the style that I want though. Lets way the pros and cons of jokes and bits. First, in my own words, I will define them.

Jokes:

A simple stretch of words with the end result in laughter by the listening party. Jokes are formatted in specific way, 'set-up' then 'punch'. Sometimes followed by additional punches known as a 'tag'. They can follow other formats such as 'the rule of three'.

i.e. My dad caught us smoking. So he took us out back, pulled out one of those great big Cuban cigars (set-up) and then he made us suck his cock (punch). I'm joking! There was no cigar (tag).
- Jason Rouse

Bits:

A story or topic filled with funny lines for the purpose of entertaining. Bits have no specific format. Enough jokes formed together can become a bit.

i.e. Joe Rogan on life without smart people.

Pros & Cons (Jokes)

+ Easy to write
+ Simple format
+ Higher laughs per minute
+ Definitive end result
- Requires specific pace and timing for best result
- Doesn't eat up time
- Doesn't give an intimate feeling
- Can fail easily

Pros & Cons (Bits)

+ No format
+ Eats up time
+ Gives an intimate feeling
+ Gives the act better structure
+ You can leave a part out and have it feel intact
- No definitive end result
- Not easy to write

As long as you can write a good joke, you can come up with a bit. To me a bit seems more satisfying. Not only does it allow the audience to feel more intimate but it leaves a lasting impression. I may like a joke, but to see the intricacy of a bit is everlasting. Seeing successful locals like Peter Kelamis and Simon King is astonishing.

Both jokes and bits are great for entertaining. It does rely much more on the comic to decide what he/she is better at. For now, I'm just going to focus on being funny.